I need a decision from myself...

I've been struggling on what course to study. I didn't know listening to my heart,my inner voice is so darn freaking hard. Whenever I wanna make a decision,something will tell me NO. There will always be "other aspects" to stop me from following my heart... I need help but help doesn't come to me. I am always the one that have to deal things on my own...be the fucking independent one in my family,the one that people care less about.How I wish I was never that strong, how I wish I was the "spotlight" in my family, the attention seeker. Anyway, hope I am able to find myself soon...